When I was younger, (a couple of years ago), when bath time was over, I used to place my foot over the plughole as the water drained away. It essentially created a vacuum and also some rather weird and disturbing gurgling noises. When I was really young, (a little more than a couple of years ago) I used to think the great bath monster was trying to suck me into the deep dark confines of his world underneath. I was curious as to what I would find, but not curious enough that I wished to look into the long dark pipe, my eyeball likes it’s current home just fine.
But what if I did get sucked into the plughole and transported into the vast network of pipes below. I would of course need to be smaller, so small in fact that I would have to climb into a passing bubble for both stability and transport. Call it my own personal little forcefield to shield me from all the bumps and bashes I would feel on the way.
Imagine how quickly I would become lost, floating, spinning and gliding beneath a million houses as above I hear the laughter of children, splashing and playing, and jump as they try to push the head of a yellow rubber duck into the pipes with me. Strange how when you are so small, something as innocent as a little rubber duck can seem so menacing.
Whizzing on past a group of girls discussing their latest conquests in a bathroom and a group of boys doing likewise in theirs. As it turns out this is much better than being a fly on the wall, and certainly better than reality TV by the sounds of things. Sadly there is no time to hang around, bath water waits for no one it would seem.
The pipes start to widen and above I can hear traffic, sirens and the everyday hustle and bustle of daily life. It would appear I’ve left the relative safety of the smaller network of residential pipework and as they all merge into one the current becomes much stronger and I have to hang on for dear life.
Twisting, bumping and rushing now, this is more like a fairground ride as I navigate a minefield of abandoned shopping trolleys, plastic bags, broken toys and deflated footballs. Perhaps this is the Bermuda Triangle for all things discarded.
I no longer wonder where the trolleys and larger items came from as I see the mouth of the pipe before me, approaching much quicker than I would like. Ahead a vast blue ocean waits, the end to my amazing journey. Picking up pace I spin, breaking into the sunlight and gliding effortlessly across the calms waters, like I am a stone being skimmed by a skilled hand. Slowing down I sink beneath the water and there before me is a Mermaid……but that’s a whole other story!