What if you could only tell a lie?

What if instead of always telling the truth, you could only tell lies? No matter what the situation a lie was your only defense. You are definitely no George Washington. How would this affect your daily life, your loved ones or your future?george-washington-158595_150

Upon thinking about this I came up with my daily routine if I could only tell lies. The day would start bright and early with the first lies being told to myself.

It’s great to be up and getting ready for another workday.

Can’t wait to step out into that cold air and be on my way to another outstanding, fun filled day.

Of course after I had assured myself of all this and made my trek to work I would probably find myself confronted by co-workers asking things like It’s great to be alive isn’t it? or how’s your day going? to which I would respond

It sure is. Another beautiful day to be living.

My day has been terrific, how about yours?

Of course I really wouldn’t care how their day was but I would feel obligated to ask. After all they asked about mine and I readily lied my ass off. Later in the day the boss might come around and ask a few questions like you got that report ready for me? or why were you late this morning? to which I would respond

Of course sir. Be on your desk when you get back from lunch.

I wasn’t late. I had to stop in the HR department this morning for some training materials.always-226329_150

The boss would leave happy with my lies and I would be safe from ridicule for a few more hours, making my way through the afternoon until I could get out. The last hour lasting so much longer with more co-worker questions like You got some big plans this weekend? to which I would respond

Oh yeah, going to head up the coast and do some fishing.

Might not even come back to work Monday!

Of course the closest I would get to fishing would be getting the toys out the bathtub and the closest to the coast would be setting my beer on the coaster with the beach scene we got six years ago when we actually went up the coast. Once home the madness would be over until the wife asked me to help her out a little. My response would be

Sure sweetie. I love taking the dogs out for their walk.

You relax and I’ll take care of the dishes later tonight.

You know that great show me and you both love is on TV tonight. The game isn’t important, we can watch the show and I’ll just check the highlights later. It’s the same thing really.baseball-99091_150

The next morning when the dishes are still soaking in the sink I’ll get the third degree on my lack of responsibility and probably hear the phrase are you even listening to me? to which I’ll respond

I’ve heard everything you have said sweetie and I agree, it was irresponsible for me to have left the dishes.

I know I promised but I just forgot about them.

Since you took care of them we’ll go out to eat tonight and you can treat yourself to anything on the menu.

A few hours later we will be sitting on the couch, not speaking and eating leftovers and the wife might pipe in what happened to dinner out? to which I would respond

Sorry sweetie. I didn’t know the guys were coming over.

I didn’t mean to drink that whole twelve pack of beer. I’ll make it up to you.

Then nightfall is on us again and we reach the bedroom where I promptly tell the wife

Oh you are in for it tonight.

I’m feeling strong and this is going to take a while.couple-160331_150

Two and a half minutes later I’ll be fast asleep, dreaming about shooting empty beer cans with a crossbow. You know the more I think about this the more I realize, this is exactly like every day in my life. Maybe it’s possible and I can’t tell the truth. I always lie, no matter the circumstance. You believe me don’t you?

20 thoughts on “What if you could only tell a lie?

    • Well, then. I guess I don’t appreciate the comment or the twitter share. (I really do, but for the post’s sake I’m saying I don’t. Just in case not everybody gets the sarcasm. Am I explaining this too much. I feel like maybe I’m going too far and I should just quit commenting now but I also feel like I’m on a roll and the comment just won’t stop. My fingers just keep typing away. Okay, I’m done now)

  1. I dunno, I think you could do better on the lies though. Like “some freakish accident happened on the road this morning where a trailer of cows turned over on the highway” (btw I saw a video of that actually happening so it could be true) that’s why you were late . . . and “the reports were done last week, have you checked your email?” stuff like that. If I could lie all day?!?! Oh man, they’d just stop talking to me all together. Nice post!

    • The accident one wouldn’t work since the boss takes the same route as me to get to work but I like the email one. I might need to use that. Thanks for your comment.

  2. Well this could be the premise of the movie Liar, Liar in reverse, couldn’t it? Going from telling the truth to always lying?

    Hmm, maybe that wouldn’t be as interesting.

  3. Hey! I *NEVER* lie —– and I quote, and yes, you maybe use this particular quote, but only if you attribute it to me – even if you have to say, it’s from one my crazy internet friends —- and yes, I’ll know if you’ve lied about it – after all I’m Ruler of the Universe Divine – remember nudge nudge 😉 😉

    And I quote: “I don’t lie; I selectively withhold the truth. And the truth is on a need to know basis. And you don’t need to know.”

    ***smirk***

    • You just don’t know what I may know even knowing some things I shouldn’t know. Know what I mean. I hope that doesn’t upset the Ruler of the Universe Divine.

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