What if I could be a thief?

There is just something about thievery that seems sexy. Sure it is against the law, the commandments and your mother’s wishes, but maybe that’s part of why it seems enticing. Someone tells you not to do something and you automatically want to do it.

burglar-308858_150Anyone can aspire to be a super-hero, a professional athlete or a world leader. I want to be different. I want to be a world class thief. A mystery man in the shadows who strikes then disappears. Someone you may never see but will always fear.

I don’t think I could just rob random people on the street or anything. I see myself as a bit more Robin Hood. You know, steal from the rich and give to the poor. Of course since I’m poor I get to keep quite a bit for myself.

I might set up a web page for people to contact me. If they know of someone who received their riches by ill gotten means, I can relieve them of their funds. The people who financially gained at the expense of others

Let’s say someone is missing and the prime suspect writes a book about the law’s attempt to pin the disappearance on them. The book is a bestseller and they tour the talk shows. Everyone knows they are guilty and the whole time they are laughing their way to the bank. I can fix that.

A failing business burns down and takes two surrounding businesses with it. The authorities suspect arson but have no proof. The business owner walks away with a substantial payout from his insurance company while the other two business owners fight tooth and nail to get their stores back up and running. Is it coincidence his insurance policy was worth more than three times what his business was? Maybe someone should tell him he doesn’t deserve his gains or maybe someone should just take them from him.

There are also those that did nothing wrong yet don’t deserve the riches they receive. Like the filthy rich couple who win the Power Ball jackpot. As if the millions they have aren’t enough they now win more when so many other people are praying for help. They don’t need all those extra zeros in their bank accounts and I don’t mind helping relieve them of a few.

homeless-295489_150Then there are those who fake being poor to make some extra bucks. A man who stands on a busy corner holding a sign that reads homeless while accepting donations. After a few hours he collects his money and drives his benz home to count it. Maybe he isn’t rich, but he doesn’t deserve to keep what others worked hard for. Taking advantage of others generous nature is about as wrong as you can get.

So the inner thief in me wants out. Biggest problem is I usually can’t make it from the bedroom to the bathroom without stubbing my toe or tripping. Being a stealthy thief is pretty much out of the question.

Then again there are always movies, books and video games where I can immerse myself in the world of an outlaw thief. It’s not as sexy, but it’s a lot safer.

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