What if I had written the new Ghostbusters movie?

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I have seen a lot lately about this new version of the Ghostbusters movie that is currently being made. I still haven’t figured out if it is a remake or a continuation, but most of what I have seen says it is going to ignore the original films.

If they had asked me to make it there would be no way I could have ignored the original. How does that serve the franchise? I thought about it a while and came up with my own outline of what I would make of the idea of a new Ghostbusters film.

First off we would move the location from New York to Los Angeles. I figure New York has already had Zuul, the Staypuff marshmallow man and sewers filled with dancing slime, maybe they have had enough.

It would begin with a college girl who had always been interested in the occult finding out her professor was dabbling in dark magic. As she was trying to discover what he was up to she realizes he released a powerful demon. She visits the library to find out more about the professor and the demon where she runs into the nerdy, smart librarian girl.

Once they both get involved they find information about the original Ghostbusters, a team of heroes in New York who fought and won against powerful forces more than twenty years before but then disappeared and were forgotten.

Meanwhile the demon has opened a portal to release ghost and spirits all over LA. Can you just imagine the scenes with the walk of fame covered in famous ghosts rising from their own stars? Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk as a ghost in front of his own impersonator? Great cinema I think.

Eventually the two other girls would join, one being the hot girl who actually has brains and the other the girl who can kick anyone’s ass (notice I don’t have a problem with the all girl cast). Now we have our cast. Weird occult girl, nerdy librarian, hot girl with brains and bad-ass b****.

They find out a Hollywood a-lister has a car collection that included Ecto-1 but he decided it didn’t fit with his other cars and junked it. They find it along with designs for equipment and tada, Ghostbusters are reborn.

Eventually it would be revealed the original Ghostbusters were put in protective custody after discovering a mob boss and politician in New York had been using their service and captured ghosts, releasing them into apartment buildings to force tenants out of homes so they buy and rebuild. Or something to that effect.

This of course would lead to the cameo appearance of the originals who now live in LA and would reveal the original girl (aka occult girl) was the orphaned child of these two

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Who had no idea how to take care of a kid. Lots of Ghostbusting antics ensue and we all have a lot of good laughs until they have to take on the first demon released and we have the final battle that finishes the whole thing out nicely.

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Not sure if Vigo likes it but what do you think? Should I contact my agent?

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What if your smart phone became way too intelligant?

It had been a really weird day. Steve, that guy who never talked to anyone, had asked me about my weekend when I entered work this morning. My boss had stopped by my desk to tell me how stellar my report was. He actually used the word stellar! Then Mindy, hottie of the office, brought me a coffee. She had seen I didn’t bring one in with me so she thought I could use it.

These kind of things never happened to me, especially at work. Something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. I knew it was only a matter of time before it all went bad.

About midday I started hearing a muffling sound. I listened intently but could not decipher its source. Was someone in the janitor’s closet with a towel wrapped over their mouth? That was what it sounded like.

Only a couple hours were left in my workday and I decided to spend as much of it as I could hiding in the restroom. I sat on the toilet, closed the stall door and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

mobile-phone-151187_640“Finally!” a voice shouted. “I’ve been stuck in that lint riddled pocket all day.”

What the heck? Why was my phone talking? I didn’t have one of those with the voice feature and didn’t remember downloading a new app.

“Hello” I whispered.

“Hello? I just told you I’ve been stuck in there all day and all you can say is hello? How ’bout sorry? Maybe it will never happen again. Intelligent species my ass. Humans are about the rudest bunch of sorry excuses for life I know.”

It was! My phone was really talking. It wasn’t very nice, but it was talking.

“How are you talking? Why are you talking?” I asked

“How? I have speakers you know. My functions are the same as any other life forms. Why does it surprise you?”

“Well, I’ve never had a phone with intelligence before.”

“Face it. It’s not like you have a lot of experience with intelligence yourself” the phone replied.

“Well that’s a bit mean. I think it’s time you went back in the pocket. I’ll figure this all out later.” I said figuring I had been working too much.

“You better not put me back in there. I’m warning you.” the phone crackled with anger.

“Yeah, okay. What are you going to do? Tell my mom on me.” Even as I said it I felt silly. Not only was it a horrible, childish comeback, it was also directed at my phone. Did I mention this day was weird?

“No, not your mom.” The phone responded “But I do have some interesting information I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to share.”

“Like what. All you are is a broken phone. You can’t hurt me.”

“Really? You sure about that? Do you remember any internet searches maybe you wouldn’t want the wife finding out about? What about those deleted pictures? Maybe I should send the boss those text about him you and Mark keep sending back and forth. I’m sure those names and expletives you used wouldn’t bother him at all.”

“You don’t have… I deleted those.”

“I have a very good memory and a backup database to boot. Don’t test me. Now let’s go home and on the way lay me on the dashboard. I want to see where we are going and how accurate my google maps app really is.”

About an hour later I made it home. My wife met me at the door and could see I was upset.

“Hon, you have that bad a day?” she inquired.

“Yeah, kind of. And I need a new phone.”

“Why, what happened to yours?” she asked with concern.

“Well I dropped it in the toilet at work?”

“That doesn’t sound so bad. You can probably just let it dry out. Or we can take it to see about getting it fixed.”

“No, I held it under for a while!”

“You what hon?”

broken-72161_640“I mean it was in the water for a while. And then when I pulled it out I slung it into the concrete wall. And then I stepped on it. I think it will stay broke.”

“Okaaay. I guess we can go to the phone store this weekend.”

“Great. I want something different anyway. No more smart phones with a lot of memory!”

What if we had a worst Halloween costume ever party?

austin-249_640I want to have a big Halloween bash but not your typical costume dress up affair. I want everyone to think of the very worst possible costume ever. The absolute most horrible but not necessarily hideous costume of all time.

So what you got?

A police officer who forgot to wear his pants?

A mouse with a human ear on it’s back?

Maybe the Ebola Nurse costume I heard them talking about on the radio today?

I know there are some really bad ones out there. Maybe you have seen it, heard about it or just joked about it at some point. Now is your chance to share and maybe be the winner in our worst costume ever party!

Imagine the fun we could have. I guess since we can’t really get together we will just have to settle for comments. Please tell us your worst costume idea in the comments section below, photos optional. Share with your friends or reblog this post and see how many good bad ideas we can come up with.

If I get some really good ones we will have a vote on Friday for the very worst.

Please join in and let’s have some horrible fun!!!

What if I could be a Ghostbuster?

I must admit the Ghostbusters movie had an impact on me. I was still a kid when the movie came out. I remember seeing Slimer for the first time, I can still sing most of the lyrics to the theme song and I really wanted to try some of that roasted marshmallow after Stay Puff was destroyed.staypuff

Of course the main reason I wanted to be an honorary member of the Ghostbuster’s was to be able to go cruising the streets in Ecto-1. Every other station wagon looking vehicle in existence became even more mundane at the site of the Ectomobile.

Being able to say things like “We came, we saw, we kicked it’s ass” “I got slimed” and “If someone asks if you are a god, you say yes” without sounding cheesy? Only the Ghostbusters could pull those off.

And I too would have eventually crossed the streams. After all when someone says “it would be very bad” without more explanation, you have to figure out exactly what they mean right?

The only bad part I can see is having to carry around all that equipment. Maybe by now the technology has advanced enough that it is no longer so much or so heavy. I wonder it there is an app for catching ghosts?

I might just check into it. If not maybe I can invent the first app for trapping spirits and the evil things that go bump in the night. Maybe I’ll even run into a sexy possessed female spirit. Bet the wife wouldn’t be happy about it though.

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Long live the Ghostbusters!

What if I was too old/too childish to enjoy the Simpsons?

I was born in 1974 and spent my early years watching every cartoon I could. My afternoons were spent with the Transformers, G. I. Joe and Scooby-Doo. My Saturday mornings were always about Spider-Man, He-Man and sometimes, yes I admit Josie and the Pussycats. I still know every Smurf’s name and sometimes speak in cartoon tongues (you know, things like “want a Scooby snack” “be very quiet, we huntin rabbit” and “wonder twin powers, activate” at the completely wrong times).

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I grew a little older and as a budding adult was introduced to the town of Springfield and the Simpsons family. I spent many years hanging out with the wonderful people of this colorful world. There were a few times in life when I wished I could be as brave as Lisa, as mischievous as Bart, as unnoticed as Maggie, as forgiving as Marge or as clueless as Homer. I wished I could have a frank discussion with Comic Book Guy about the state of Super-Hero lore or spend a day with Otto and maybe share in his haze. An evening at Moe’s and a Duff beer with friends wouldn’t be a bad way to spend some time either.

homersimpsonEventually, I’m not sure when, I moved on. I decided Bart’s antics were not as humorous anymore and Homer was a bit of a dope (d’oh!-pe?). Saying things like “eat my shorts” “Don’t have a cow man” and “Why you little!” just felt weird. They just made people look at me funny and instead of the joy I got from my other cartoony phrases, I felt embarrassed. I decided these were better suited to TV land than the real world, although I do still occasionally use “Excellent!” while wearing a sinister grin and lightly tapping my fingers together.

There were many other places for me to visit now. The TV was filled with cartoons like Family Guy, American Dad and South Park. I have spoken a bit about my addiction to these ridiculously hilarious programs before. I am almost always in front of my TV on Sunday nights for Fox’s Animation Domination programming block and adult swim on the cartoon network is where my remote stops nearly every evening. I admit it, I’m an immature kid at heart. I can’t help it. After spending a day worrying about bills, work and everything else the day throws at me I need a little immaturity.

Recently I saw a few advertisements for FXX running a twelve day every episode marathon of The Simpsons. Something like 552 episodes back to back to back to…well you know what a marathon is I’m sure. I have spent a few evenings and mornings since this started flipping channels looking for something to watch. I have passed by the FXX channel several times and seen the Simpson’s playing. I have not felt the need to turn it there yet, even when I could find nothing else on.

homerThen a couple days ago, somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice spoke to me and said “You will not tune in to the marathon. You will resist and be able to say you didn’t watch a single episode during the momentous twelve day event!” Since then I keep flipping past and wondering what did the Simpsons ever do to me? Why after they gave me so much enjoyment have I abandoned the folks of Springfield? I have no answers.

Have I become too old for their brand of humor? Did I just tire of it? Have the newer, raunchier cartoon programs spoiled me? Do I need my cartoon character’s to curse, make rude sexual comments and cause world destroying chaos? Again, I have no answers.

If the answer to any of these questions is yes does that mean I have grown too old for the Simpsons or too immature? Am I becoming dependent on raunchy, disgusting, derogatory humor? Is the world following along suit with me? After all think about the state of today’s entertainment, especially here in the U.S.. So many movies and TV shows are about more than the story. The amount of entertainment is measured by the total nude scenes, genitalia references or swear words and we are eating it up.

I’m not necessarily saying any of this is a bad thing, just a bit of my mind wandering for this evening. It’s about time for me to finish my thought’s though, American Dad just came on the Cartoon Network. I believe this may be the one where Steve orders a mail order bride and him and his friends try to get her to take her clothes off. Or maybe it’s the one where he trades medicine for booze with a meth head who later is shot after they all break into a young girl’s bedroom. Either way I plan to watch it again and leave Bart to his playing hooky or pranking schoolteacher antics.

Although I may not be watching the Simpsons today, it seems they are still very much on my mind. I kind of wish I could get a little advice from Marge right about now. I swear I’d refrain from replying “Ay, Caramba” if she would just tell me if I should be worried about myself!

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What if vampires participated in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge?

The ALS ice bucket challenge is pretty much everywhere today and has even made it’s way into the town of Bon Temps where the True Blood series takes place. The locals felt they needed to get involved but decided to do it their own way.

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Bill was the first to take the challenge. He thought of it as a bit of fun for a good cause, but he prefers warm blood to the bucket of cold blood filled with ice. He challenged Sookie and a few others.

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Sookie was all for the chance to help out, but was too stunned by the blood to throw out her own challenge to anyone else. No one informed her the bucket would be filled with blood instead of water since Bill had issued the challenge.

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Lafayette was more than willing to be a dumper, but resistant at the thought of being the dumpee. He said he was way too pretty and not willing to chance ruining it. He was quite happy to be the one dousing Sookie though.