What if…you woke up in Karma Land?

Submitted what if post from Ally of Allychat’s Blog. Thank you Ally! Or should I say sorry? Might have to think about this one a bit myself!

What if it was exactly as it is now but every day for a month you met everyone you had ever said or done anything bad to?

What if you had to live these situations over and over again every day until you got it right?

What if hell is where we get to live through all the times we flumped, all the times we thought we got away with it, all the times we weren’t quite honest?

What if every little thing we did was on record and had to be paid for (gulp)?

What if we all had our very own Groundhog Day?

In case that ever happens I’m going to come clean. *Deep Breath*

To my sister; Remember the day you let it slip to my boyfriend that I hadn’t been ill and unable to see him, but had gone to a party with my ex…well it was me who spilled the bright red nail polish over your new white silk jacket (it was the 80’s ffs) and it was me who put itching powder in your knicker drawer…sorry!

To my ex bff, remember the hideous orange bridesmaid dress you got me for your wedding? Well it didn’t get burnt on the steam machine at the laundry, I set it on fire myself. I mean between the dress and the terracotta tan you insisted I got I would’ve looked like a giant jaffa …sorry!

To my ex partner, yes the meat on your sandwich’s did taste a bit strange, it was straight out of fluffy’s bowl mixed with the 3 day old tuna from the fridge, you two timing prat…sorry!

Yes it was me who caused the stink at the 4th year dance and blamed the quiet, shy girl standing next to me, I really shouldn’t have had those brussel sprouts…sorry!

Yes I did set the fire alarm off in work and I’m sorry the office junior got the blame …but I did have a really hot date that night…sorry!

Yes I did drop the turkey on the floor and didn’t manage to swipe it up before the dog licked it, (ragdolled it actually) but I did wash it thoroughly…and you all seemed to enjoy it…sorry!

Yes it was me who put the cling film over the pan in the boss’s toilet in work after she gave Bitchy Betty the promotion instead of me…sorry!

And yes it was me that put the farting powder in Bitchy Betty’s coffee the morning she had to Chair the annual meeting, apparently her face went a lovely shade of purple trying to squeeze her bum cheeks in … sorry!

I’ve just realised this will probably take a few posts. Not that I’m a bad person, I just get a bit miffed, but once I get all this outta my system I’ll be such a good person, relieved of the guilt of my wrongdoings 0:) I’ll finish here folks I’ve just received a parcel for next door and I’m desperate to open it and see what it is…speak soon, bye, bye 🙂 x

What if you met your former self?

I couldn’t believe it. I closed my eyes, shook my head and did a double take but when I reopened them it was still there. I was still there or at least a version of me. A version from many years before, the childish side that everyone said was spoiled. Boy could I see why.

I knew it was wrong to beat a child, but if you were the one doing it to your own self was It still wrong? The child, me, I ran at me and screamed directly into my own face “I want pizza! I’m hungry.”

“Whoa, whoa now settle down. I don’t know what we are having for supper and if you are supposed to eat before.”

What was I saying? Why was I worried about supper? Was it just a reaction to all the times I heard it when I was younger? Wait, this was the younger me so now I was telling it to myself as it echoed inside my head. This was just downright weird.

“Have you finished your homework? I bet you haven’t and you are waiting until morning to just cause a fuss as you rush it between breakfast and the trip to school.”

There I went again. It was almost an automatic thing. I wasn’t even thinking about it just saying things I heard when I was little, but now it was me saying them to myself. Well, the younger version of myself. All I could think of was why? Why was I having this weird hallucination? At least I hoped that was all it was.

I heard what sounded like a doorbell and suddenly a new version of me entered. This was the bit older but no where near mature version. He, I, was escorted by a police officer who stopped when he faced me, uh the now version of me.

“Is this one yours?” The officer asked

“Well, uhm, yeah sorta. I think.” I managed to respond.

“We caught him breaking into the school. It’s not the first time he’s been in trouble. You need to get a hold on him before he ends up in jail or worse.”

“Thanks officer and don’t worry, he , uhm, I turn out well. I never get in any major trouble.”

“It’s not you I’m talking about. It’s him and I hope he surprises me, but you need to keep an eye on him.”

It is me, it is me. I’m the one, I turned out good. Please, you have to believe me sir. The words were shouted in my head but never came out as sound and the young officer left without the knowledge I wanted, I needed him to know.

“Hey, what’s the little brat doing here and why are you looking at that officer so weird? You fruity or something?” This new version of me asked.

“No, but what if I was. You would be too. Nothing wrong about it.” I said to myself with a bit of embarrassment at the jerk, the bully I was, uhm I used to be. You know, that immature version of me I was talking to.

“Hey I’m not a brat. Make him say he’s sorry. It was mean. You shouldn’t call others names!” The youngest version of me said with a sadness to his voice.

“He’s right. It was mean. Now apologize to me, uhm you, uhm him for it.” Oh wow this was getting confusing.

“Sorry turd I called you a name. Quit your whining or I’ll make you hit yourself!”

“Hey, you just called me another name!”

“If anyone here is going to start hitting themselves it’s going to be you, I mean me, I mean you. Just everyone be quiet!”

We all looked at each other in awkward silence until the door opened and I entered, err another version of I.

“What’s going dowwwwinnnee in this towwwwinnnee peeps.” He, I, said along with a lot of body movement.

“Who you?” The youngest me asked.

I just dropped my head in disgust at the sight. I mean anything but MC J.E.D. I could have dealt without ever having to see the late teenage wannabe rapper side of myself again. Yet here before me I stood and wailed away.

Thunk, Thunk, Thunk.

“Honey, honey! Wake up!”  A distant voice beckoned.

“Huh, what?” I slowly opened my eyes to realize I was in my own bed. Only my wife was there with me.

“You were dreaming sweetie. You sounded like you were trying to rap or something. It was awful.” My wife told me as she busted into laughter.

It was just a dream, just a dream Thank goodness I am back in reality. I wonder how my wife will take it when I tell her I’m not sure if I want kids anymore. Mom had told me my kids would be little versions of myself only a little more misbehaving. I don’t think I could handle that!

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Post inspired by Cimmy and her challenge The Dream. Check it out or add your own answer to her challenge. Thanks Cimmy for the inspiration.

What if it was a time to be thankful?

It would seem the Holidays have snuck up on us for another year. Turkey day is right around the corner followed by celebrations of almost every form and including most everyone on earth. Whether it’s Happy Holidays, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas or Season’s Greeting’s the days ahead will be about family and time spent together.

I figured it was a great time for me to talk about being thankful but decided on a blog called Okay, What if? I needed to do it a little differently. So the following is a short list of what if’s for the holidays that make me thankful for what I have.

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1) What if I didn’t get to stuff myself full of great food? What if I didn’t love ham and turkey so much? What if sweets were not a part of holiday events?

 

2) What if I didn’t have a home to sleep in? What if my decorations were pinned to a cardboard box? What if my neighbors were the furry critters living on the street?

 

3) What if I didn’t have great friends and family to share the holidays with? What if I was alone? What if I was lost with no where to go?

 

4) What if Santa hadn’t visited me as a child? What if he hadn’t been there for me as an adult as well? What if my parents hadn’t taught me that receiving is nice, but giving is what makes the holidays a celebration?

 

5) What if I hadn’t met my loving wife? What if she wasn’t willing to put up with my silliness? What if I didn’t love her so much?

 

6) What if a little more than a year ago I hadn’t started blogging? What if my stories and thoughts were still stuck in my head? What if I hadn’t found so many friends among the other bloggers?

 

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I think it’s a good start to the season but I know I may think of more.

I really want to send a thank you to those who have made my days as a blogger so much fun.

What if a man with a plan was available in a can?

I just have to say after spending a little over forty years in this world I find daily life a bit tough sometimes. Between the pressures of being a good person, making a living, taking care of those around that need your help and making sure to get some me time things can get a bit confusing. Sometimes coming up with the tough decisions or making a plan for the future seems to be the most daunting task ever.

Included with can is a man with a plan

If only there was someone or something to help you out with the decisions you are having trouble with making yourself! An informed know it all with all the answers. A man with a plan. A store bought future planner available in a can.

Sure maybe it would take away some of the joy and pride of making these decisions yourself, but the loss of all the stress and maybe even some of the bad decisions would be worth it.

“I just got offered a new job for more money, but the job I have now is secure. I have no chance of advancement but I also don’t have to worry about the company going under or a layoff. I have a decent benefits package but with this new job there is no ceiling and advancement is almost guaranteed. But if the company doesn’t make it neither do I. What should I do? I know, I’ll go get a man with a plan in a can and he will know what to do!”

Sure it almost sounds like going to a psychic but it would be nothing even close. You see the man with a plan is a small computer with the algorithms built in to explore every possible outcome based on the information entered and then formulate the best case scenario. Something our muddled brains don’t have the ability to do. The emotions are left out of the decision so the proper decision is made.

The reason for the computer coming in the form of a man is to make it seem more personal, knowledgeable and caring. We probably would never let a computer make the decisions for us but a miniature friend would be a different story. Also man rhymes with can which worked great for the title. Besides, how many men actually would listen to a woman in a can? (Please, no throwing things at the author of the post ladies. It was an attempt at a joke)

“We need a new home with the baby coming, but can we afford to take on a new mortgage? I want to spend time watching my child grow up, but the costs to raise it might mean I am never home. Should we sacrifice by staying in a place that is not ideal or just man up and go for broke with the new place? What if the decision I make is wrong and we lose everything having to move in with my parents? I need to go buy a can of man with a plan right now. That will ease my mind.”

The cans wouldn’t be too expensive or it would ruin the whole concept. They would be recyclable and you could get some of your upfront costs back when you returned it to the store. A bit of repackaging and the can of man would be ready for another big life moment. No one would ever need to know that you didn’t make your own decision.

Buy the new washer we need or play the slots?

I admit the idea seems great to me. I’ve never been good at the big decisions and a plan for the future has been tough to come by unless winning the lottery counts. That’s always been my plan. Win the lottery and become rich! Biggest problem is I hardly ever play the lottery so I guess I don’t follow through with my plans all that great either.

“I need to figure out the best way to get rich. Should I play the lottery, bet on the horses, invest in the stock market or go on a bank robbing spree. I know! I’ll buy a man with a plan in a can and see what he says.”

Disclaimer: The man in the can is not to be used as a means of gaining monetary value and cannot make decisions involving illegal activities. Using the man in any way other than permitted will void any warranty or guarantees. This includes but is not limited to any and all decisions of a life threatening nature or any events not following the laws of the governing nation. The man also must not be used as an insertion device in any form. Bodily insertion is strictly prohibited! It is also not a babysitter or child monitor.

Well dangit there is always a bunch of rules with these things. There goes the idea of having the man pick my lottery numbers for me! Guess I just need to get back to attempting to take care of my life myself. I could ask my wife for her opinion and then not listen to it like usual. Wonder what would happen if I did listen to her ideas sometimes? Nah, that’s too much of a risk.

I guess for now we will just have to wait until the man in the can becomes a reality and then see if it works. I would be willing to at least give it a try, how about you?

What if I couldn’t control my emotions?

There are days when I really just want to scream. Go outside and just wail to the top of my lungs and not stop until I feel I’ve got everything out. Luckily for the neighbors I can usually control myself and not let my emotions get the best of me.

When I was little it was a different story. I had the worst temper as a child and would let almost anything upset me. My siblings even nicknamed me Madman and would purposely attempt to see how angry they could make me. They turned it into a game, instead of hide and seek they wanted to play Madman.

As I got older I learned to suppress the anger and keep it bottled up inside. It started to matter more that I didn’t upset others rather than being upset myself. As long as everyone else is happy I can deal with a bit of frustration. Now I am getting even older and things seem to be changing once again.

What if I could travel through time?

“The Time Machine!” by Chaotic Good01

The concept of time travel is anything but new. It has been a subject of countless stories, books, tv shows and movies for many, many years. My childhood would have never been the same if not for the likes of Land of the Lost, Back to the Future or Quantum Leap. These stories helped to spur the creative genes inside my soul and made me believe most anything could be possible. This week time travel is the subject of the weekly writing challenge from the daily post. They are calling it time machine and want to know our take on the concept of traveling trough time.

I for one have always been amazed at the creativity involved in the show Quantum Leap. The idea of hopping into the lives of others, having to become a completely different person while trying to maintain or better their lives without losing yourself was amazing to watch. On the show Sam had Al to help him find his way and hope for the eventual leap home, but it always seemed lost.

What if I’m never old enough to know better?

I grew up with two older brothers and watched on many occasions as mom and dad would tell them “You’re older, you should know better.” It was my being younger that was like a get out of jail free card every time we did something to get into trouble. I would sit back and watch, giggling to myself as my brothers were reprimanded. Every time one of them would point at me or mention that I was involved then we got to here my favorite line “He’s just following you, you are old enough to know better.”

I’m not sure how many times I heard this as a child, but it was probably in the double, maybe even triple digits. Of course the downside of this was my brothers resented it and didn’t want me involved in anything they were doing. They knew even if it was my fault I would never get punished as severely as they did.

Now I am much older and the thought occurred to me recently “What if I’m never old enough to know better?” What if by not getting into the same trouble as my siblings I never learned when I was doing wrong? I know that robbing a bank is wrong, but sometimes the little things I’m not as sure of. I seem to never know when to just keep my mouth shut. I sometimes have the worst timing when it comes to saying certain things.

It’s built into me to constantly try to annoy anyone else in the family. Whether it be by making an annoying noise, a silly gesture or joke or just repeating something someone else says. I continue to do it even once I’ve annoyed the other person all the way to anger. It’s still funny to me even though they are fuming. It feels wrong but I guess I’m just not old enough to know for certain.

So when is it going to happen and how will I ever be sure? Am I destined to always be the younger brother who is not old enough to know better? Is this a curse I must always bear? Why did my parents do this to me? What I once thought of as a useful tool of my youth is now a hindrance in my adulthood.

Of course the more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe I never want to be old enough to know better. Maybe it’s my way of holding onto my youth. Besides, I’ve made it this far. A few more years of not knowing any better shouldn’t be a problem.