What if I had written the new Ghostbusters movie?

gb

I have seen a lot lately about this new version of the Ghostbusters movie that is currently being made. I still haven’t figured out if it is a remake or a continuation, but most of what I have seen says it is going to ignore the original films.

If they had asked me to make it there would be no way I could have ignored the original. How does that serve the franchise? I thought about it a while and came up with my own outline of what I would make of the idea of a new Ghostbusters film.

First off we would move the location from New York to Los Angeles. I figure New York has already had Zuul, the Staypuff marshmallow man and sewers filled with dancing slime, maybe they have had enough.

It would begin with a college girl who had always been interested in the occult finding out her professor was dabbling in dark magic. As she was trying to discover what he was up to she realizes he released a powerful demon. She visits the library to find out more about the professor and the demon where she runs into the nerdy, smart librarian girl.

Once they both get involved they find information about the original Ghostbusters, a team of heroes in New York who fought and won against powerful forces more than twenty years before but then disappeared and were forgotten.

Meanwhile the demon has opened a portal to release ghost and spirits all over LA. Can you just imagine the scenes with the walk of fame covered in famous ghosts rising from their own stars? Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk as a ghost in front of his own impersonator? Great cinema I think.

Eventually the two other girls would join, one being the hot girl who actually has brains and the other the girl who can kick anyone’s ass (notice I don’t have a problem with the all girl cast). Now we have our cast. Weird occult girl, nerdy librarian, hot girl with brains and bad-ass b****.

They find out a Hollywood a-lister has a car collection that included Ecto-1 but he decided it didn’t fit with his other cars and junked it. They find it along with designs for equipment and tada, Ghostbusters are reborn.

Eventually it would be revealed the original Ghostbusters were put in protective custody after discovering a mob boss and politician in New York had been using their service and captured ghosts, releasing them into apartment buildings to force tenants out of homes so they buy and rebuild. Or something to that effect.

This of course would lead to the cameo appearance of the originals who now live in LA and would reveal the original girl (aka occult girl) was the orphaned child of these two

gb5

Who had no idea how to take care of a kid. Lots of Ghostbusting antics ensue and we all have a lot of good laughs until they have to take on the first demon released and we have the final battle that finishes the whole thing out nicely.

gb3

Not sure if Vigo likes it but what do you think? Should I contact my agent?

Advertisements

What if your sofa could speak?

sofaIf your sofa could speak

What would it say

Might it tell the dogs

Get your stinking paws off of me

It might even suggest

To keep the popcorn to yourself

If you can’t eat without dropping

Then just leave it on the shelf

Where would you be

Without the ability to relax

What if the sofa

Started charging you tax

It might even ask

You put away your feet

It just couldn’t take

The way they did stink

You take it for granted

Thinking it will always be there

But what if the sofa

Took off to the fair

You’d be losing a friend

You didn’t know you had

The family would just joke

Saying, awww that’s too bad

They would add in their take

Telling you right fast

Maybe it’s a sign

To get off your lazy ass!sofa2

What if Superman was a total ass?

superman-295328_640Years of saving people and stopping super-villains had made Superman a bit cranky. No matter how many times he stopped Lex Luthor and put him in prison, he always escaped to cause more chaos. Every time a satellite was malfunctioning the government would call, expecting him to fly into space and fix it. If a house caught fire or an eighteen wheeler turned over and he was not immediately there to help out, everyone complained.

It was just too much. He needed a break but a vacation for a super-hero was nearly impossible. Hell, just a good night’s sleep was something he hadn’t experienced in years. Then today he received this! The city of Metropolis had sent him a bill for the destruction caused during his latest fight with Doomsday.

How could they possibly expect him to pay a million dollars in rebuilding costs? All the good he had done for this city and he never received a dime compensation. I mean even that stupid Golden Key to the city they gave him was made of a hollow metal. That was it, all he could take, he had had it. From now on he would let the people fend for themselves!

It was only a few days before the city was in complete chaos. Almost every bank had been robbed at least once and half the police force had quit. Without the help of a super powered being to fight the super-villains they decided this was not the place for them.

It took every ounce of Superman’s will to hold back and not save everyone. He watched as the villain’s gained control of the city. After a while it actually started to make him smile. He started to chuckle every time a news report contained the headline “Where is Superman?”. For some reason he enjoyed the fact that the city was not able to survive without him.

He decided to make his appearance again, but he was a changed hero. No longer the doormat of the city he would choose when, how and why he choose to help out. If the city itself or the government agencies needed his help they were going to pay for it. Why shouldn’t he have just as fancy a mansion as the local hero of Gotham City did?

He flew into to town to applause from the city’s inhabitants. An older lady approached him asking for help. Her cat was at the top of the tree by her house.

“Sorry, lady. That’s a job for the fire department or the neighborhood kid. I’m much too Super to do a menial task like that.” Superman told her.

The gathered crowd let out a collective gasp. What had happened to the Man of Steel during his hiatus?

Suddenly a car came screeching by, shots being fired. A police cruiser was on its heels and pulled to a stop at the site of Superman.

The officer driving hollered out the window asking for help, saying the car they were pursuing was full of bank robbers. Superman went into action and seconds later had the criminals in hand. He handed the cops two of the three bags of money from the getaway vehicle.

“Superman, thank you. I’ll go ahead and take these and that other bag back to the bank.” the officer told him.

“No, this is my reward for saving the rest. Tell the bank It’s a down payment on the back money owed for my security duties up to this point.”

Another collective gasp was heard from the gathered onlookers. Had Superman been dipping into the Red Kryptonite again?

Superman took flight and hollered back to the crowd “Sorry about that. Couldn’t hold it any longer. It will dissipate in a couple hours.” then could be seen chuckling to himself as he flew away.

The crowd and the cops looked at each other wondering what the great hero was talking about. It was answered quickly as a distinct odor enveloped the crowd. A few people even passed out from the strong smell of a Super-Powered poot from a Super-Ass.

car-44452_640

What if your smart phone became way too intelligant?

It had been a really weird day. Steve, that guy who never talked to anyone, had asked me about my weekend when I entered work this morning. My boss had stopped by my desk to tell me how stellar my report was. He actually used the word stellar! Then Mindy, hottie of the office, brought me a coffee. She had seen I didn’t bring one in with me so she thought I could use it.

These kind of things never happened to me, especially at work. Something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. I knew it was only a matter of time before it all went bad.

About midday I started hearing a muffling sound. I listened intently but could not decipher its source. Was someone in the janitor’s closet with a towel wrapped over their mouth? That was what it sounded like.

Only a couple hours were left in my workday and I decided to spend as much of it as I could hiding in the restroom. I sat on the toilet, closed the stall door and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

mobile-phone-151187_640“Finally!” a voice shouted. “I’ve been stuck in that lint riddled pocket all day.”

What the heck? Why was my phone talking? I didn’t have one of those with the voice feature and didn’t remember downloading a new app.

“Hello” I whispered.

“Hello? I just told you I’ve been stuck in there all day and all you can say is hello? How ’bout sorry? Maybe it will never happen again. Intelligent species my ass. Humans are about the rudest bunch of sorry excuses for life I know.”

It was! My phone was really talking. It wasn’t very nice, but it was talking.

“How are you talking? Why are you talking?” I asked

“How? I have speakers you know. My functions are the same as any other life forms. Why does it surprise you?”

“Well, I’ve never had a phone with intelligence before.”

“Face it. It’s not like you have a lot of experience with intelligence yourself” the phone replied.

“Well that’s a bit mean. I think it’s time you went back in the pocket. I’ll figure this all out later.” I said figuring I had been working too much.

“You better not put me back in there. I’m warning you.” the phone crackled with anger.

“Yeah, okay. What are you going to do? Tell my mom on me.” Even as I said it I felt silly. Not only was it a horrible, childish comeback, it was also directed at my phone. Did I mention this day was weird?

“No, not your mom.” The phone responded “But I do have some interesting information I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to share.”

“Like what. All you are is a broken phone. You can’t hurt me.”

“Really? You sure about that? Do you remember any internet searches maybe you wouldn’t want the wife finding out about? What about those deleted pictures? Maybe I should send the boss those text about him you and Mark keep sending back and forth. I’m sure those names and expletives you used wouldn’t bother him at all.”

“You don’t have… I deleted those.”

“I have a very good memory and a backup database to boot. Don’t test me. Now let’s go home and on the way lay me on the dashboard. I want to see where we are going and how accurate my google maps app really is.”

About an hour later I made it home. My wife met me at the door and could see I was upset.

“Hon, you have that bad a day?” she inquired.

“Yeah, kind of. And I need a new phone.”

“Why, what happened to yours?” she asked with concern.

“Well I dropped it in the toilet at work?”

“That doesn’t sound so bad. You can probably just let it dry out. Or we can take it to see about getting it fixed.”

“No, I held it under for a while!”

“You what hon?”

broken-72161_640“I mean it was in the water for a while. And then when I pulled it out I slung it into the concrete wall. And then I stepped on it. I think it will stay broke.”

“Okaaay. I guess we can go to the phone store this weekend.”

“Great. I want something different anyway. No more smart phones with a lot of memory!”

What if we had a worst Halloween costume ever party?

austin-249_640I want to have a big Halloween bash but not your typical costume dress up affair. I want everyone to think of the very worst possible costume ever. The absolute most horrible but not necessarily hideous costume of all time.

So what you got?

A police officer who forgot to wear his pants?

A mouse with a human ear on it’s back?

Maybe the Ebola Nurse costume I heard them talking about on the radio today?

I know there are some really bad ones out there. Maybe you have seen it, heard about it or just joked about it at some point. Now is your chance to share and maybe be the winner in our worst costume ever party!

Imagine the fun we could have. I guess since we can’t really get together we will just have to settle for comments. Please tell us your worst costume idea in the comments section below, photos optional. Share with your friends or reblog this post and see how many good bad ideas we can come up with.

If I get some really good ones we will have a vote on Friday for the very worst.

Please join in and let’s have some horrible fun!!!

What if super-heroes had a party and everyone got drunk?

Have you ever wondered what super-heroes do after they just saved the planet from destruction? How do they unwind after a long day of catching baddies? Do they go home alone, having no one to share the day’s events with?

marvel-superheroes1

Well the folks at Anheuser Busch decided it was time to show a little appreciation for their sacrifices. They decided to throw a huge bash and invite every known super-hero for an amazing evening in honor of everything they do for the world. All the food, entertainment and beverages to be provided at no cost. Just a relaxing night of fun among super powered colleagues.

It was a winning idea for the Anheuser Busch company. They were able to associate their products with the super-heroes everyone loved and the amount of free advertising received from the media coverage was enormous. They leased out a football stadium, invited all known heroes and brought in truckloads of food and beer. Everything about the party was a huge success and the atmosphere surrounding was almost like an Oscars buzz. The heroes were led in on a red carpet  among photographers and hordes of fans.superheroes

A few hours into the night things began turning. The fact that some of these super-heroes did not get along or had grudges against one another was never considered. There was arguing among the guests as to whether certain “heroes” actually belonged. People like the Punisher, Spawn and Green Arrow were even asked to leave by the others, citing a true hero shouldn’t leave a trail of bodies behind. Needless to say they didn’t take it well.

There was scuffles and even a few brawls started up and the security was unable to diffuse the situation. How does one stop a pissed off, intoxicated, super powered being who can shoot fire from his eyes after all? They don’t and that created a major problem. Everyone outside the venue was cheering for their heroes while inside the place was being completely trashed. The chaos and destruction eventually could no longer be contained. It spilled over into the night causing panic among the spectators.

The panicking onlookers began to trample one another in an attempt to flee. It took members of the police and national guard to finally calm the situation but not before multiple injuries were suffered. The heroes were all told to disperse but were not monitored from there. Most made there way home without incident, but a few found themselves in additional trouble.

Wonder Woman crashed her invisible plane into the side of a mountain and was found unconscious and near death two days later when a hiker happened upon the scene. Luckily for her he took a new trail that day or she may not have survived. The recovery of the plane was near impossible due to the rough terrain and the fact that the debris was invisible.

Ghost Rider drove his fire covered motorcycle on a straight line for his lair and that was the problem. He didn’t take roads, just drove through anything in his way leaving homes, businesses and even highway interchanges destroyed and burning. Can you imagine waking up to a demon on his flaming motorcycle using your bedroom as his personal street? A few people no longer have to.ghostrider

It has never been confirmed, but there were rumors Batman broke into Arkham Asylum and was threatening the female inmates. He was said to have offered to pull out his bat dildo and go bat shit crazy on their privates.  Everyone was appalled by the behavior, everyone except the Joker that is. He was ready to take Bats up on his offer before Robin and Alfred were said to have dragged Batman from the facility kicking and screaming like a child.

Wolverine was spotted at a bridge underpass disoriented among a group of the homeless. He was stumbling around and slurring his words badly but let’s face it, this was probably pretty normal behavior for him. He always finds his way back to Xavier’s school eventually.

Spider-Man was hit by a transfer truck, leaving a large splatter mark across the windshield. Mr. Fantastic was trying to show off and tied himself in a knot that took seven workers and three days to untangle. Storm passed out and her dream led to Hurricane Ororo which destroyed several cities on the eastern US coastline. The Flash lost his balance during a cross country run leading to multiple severe pavement burns and more than twenty crashed vehicles from his three mile tumbling slide on Interstate 20.

For nearly a week after the party the super-villains were running wild. They took full advantage of the heroes recovery time by robbing, destroying and terrorizing the public. No one realized the bad idea the party was until it was too late. Most of these heroes had never drank alcohol or been able to attend parties before, so they were incapable of handling the new situation.

This one party left a fierce path of destruction in it’s wake, sent the publics appreciation of it’s heroes spiraling downward and almost put the Anheuser Busch company out of business after settling all the lawsuits involved. A few heroes disappeared, presumably going into hiding, not able to deal with the embarrassment of their antics.

There is always a moral or two when super-heroes are involved and this story is no different.

Do not mix alcohol and heroes!

Too many heroes can be a bad thing!

If you have a story you would like to share about the super-heroes drunken antics feel free to share it here. Thanks for reading.

What if The Walking Dead’s zombie stars were hounded by paparazzi?

Zombies are everywhere today. They are the real stars of one of the most popular shows on television, so why aren’t the paparazzi constantly trying for a candid pic? Why does TMZ never show any interviews? Is somebody getting paid off to keep quiet about the unsanitary antics of these stars?

Getting close to these Walkers should be pretty easy. If you just hang out long enough at the graveyard you are bound to spot one. The stories are all there and people want to hear about them. I did a little digging (pun intended) myself and found out some information that everyone will be astonished by.

Here are a few examples of what we could see if the paparazzi and Hollywood reporters would just do their jobs.zombiegirl

The stories of after parties and cast hook-ups the female zombie pictured here could tell you would make you laugh, cry and cringe. Did she spend a night with two of the show’s biggest stars? Did the drunken orgies include toothless zombies sticking severed limbs in unmentionable places? She is willing to talk if somebody wants to listen. How about it Hollywood Reporter, Variety Magazine or Entertainment Television?

buffet

The food provided on set will disgust you. You wouldn’t believe what makes the cut and is laid out for the zombies. It seems the food is seldom cleaned and clothing is usually left on. There also is never any variety, just the same thing every day. I would have thought the budget for the show would provide for adequate meals for all involved, but the zombies will tell you differently.

It’s easy to see why they feel their contributions to the show are not appreciated. I’ve even talked to a few who have mentioned a strike. Could the show survive without it’s zombie stars? I don’t think so.

zombie-mob

The security on set is questionable at best. The zombie wannabes are always trying to get on the lot. You never see mobs of people dressed and acting like Rick, Daryl or Michonne and that should tell you something about the real stars of the show. There have been times where the only way to keep the mob out is for these actor’s to get involved. The mob of wannabe zombies roaming outside the filming locations are a sight most find a little scary, but what’s ever scarier is when one makes it on set. Some try to prove they could be among the shows greats by biting anyone involved in the show’s creation. On set medical teams are on constant alert according to my sources.

If I can find all this out you know the professional’s have access as well. Why the public is not given this information is anybody’s guess, but I truly believe that either the network or show’s creators are suppressing any news to make sure the zombies will never get credit as the true stars they are. If the people knew more about them and how important the zombies were to the show’s success they would realize it as well. Once they started asking for raises citing the show’s popularity, the profits would be cut significantly.

zombies

These guys even claimed to have pics from the changing rooms of a few of the star zombies. They were willing to part with them for a sizable fee claiming I wouldn’t believe the photos and would be given exclusive rights. I admit the thought of seeing scantily clad or clothe less zombies is a bit intriguing, but I have a few morals and decided to let them keep these to sell to someone else. Still it proves my point the stories and pictures are out there.

When will the paparazzi decide these stories are too important to keep hidden? I feel it won’t be long before we see zombies being interviewed on Good Morning America and I am all for it. I think we should be on social sites astonished and angry after the zombie deaths just like we are with the human ones. Give them their due and a little respect. Zombie’s were once people too!