I just have to say after spending a little over forty years in this world I find daily life a bit tough sometimes. Between the pressures of being a good person, making a living, taking care of those around that need your help and making sure to get some me time things can get a bit confusing. Sometimes coming up with the tough decisions or making a plan for the future seems to be the most daunting task ever.
Included with can is a man with a plan
If only there was someone or something to help you out with the decisions you are having trouble with making yourself! An informed know it all with all the answers. A man with a plan. A store bought future planner available in a can.
Sure maybe it would take away some of the joy and pride of making these decisions yourself, but the loss of all the stress and maybe even some of the bad decisions would be worth it.
“I just got offered a new job for more money, but the job I have now is secure. I have no chance of advancement but I also don’t have to worry about the company going under or a layoff. I have a decent benefits package but with this new job there is no ceiling and advancement is almost guaranteed. But if the company doesn’t make it neither do I. What should I do? I know, I’ll go get a man with a plan in a can and he will know what to do!”
Sure it almost sounds like going to a psychic but it would be nothing even close. You see the man with a plan is a small computer with the algorithms built in to explore every possible outcome based on the information entered and then formulate the best case scenario. Something our muddled brains don’t have the ability to do. The emotions are left out of the decision so the proper decision is made.
The reason for the computer coming in the form of a man is to make it seem more personal, knowledgeable and caring. We probably would never let a computer make the decisions for us but a miniature friend would be a different story. Also man rhymes with can which worked great for the title. Besides, how many men actually would listen to a woman in a can? (Please, no throwing things at the author of the post ladies. It was an attempt at a joke)
“We need a new home with the baby coming, but can we afford to take on a new mortgage? I want to spend time watching my child grow up, but the costs to raise it might mean I am never home. Should we sacrifice by staying in a place that is not ideal or just man up and go for broke with the new place? What if the decision I make is wrong and we lose everything having to move in with my parents? I need to go buy a can of man with a plan right now. That will ease my mind.”
The cans wouldn’t be too expensive or it would ruin the whole concept. They would be recyclable and you could get some of your upfront costs back when you returned it to the store. A bit of repackaging and the can of man would be ready for another big life moment. No one would ever need to know that you didn’t make your own decision.
Buy the new washer we need or play the slots?
I admit the idea seems great to me. I’ve never been good at the big decisions and a plan for the future has been tough to come by unless winning the lottery counts. That’s always been my plan. Win the lottery and become rich! Biggest problem is I hardly ever play the lottery so I guess I don’t follow through with my plans all that great either.
“I need to figure out the best way to get rich. Should I play the lottery, bet on the horses, invest in the stock market or go on a bank robbing spree. I know! I’ll buy a man with a plan in a can and see what he says.”
Disclaimer: The man in the can is not to be used as a means of gaining monetary value and cannot make decisions involving illegal activities. Using the man in any way other than permitted will void any warranty or guarantees. This includes but is not limited to any and all decisions of a life threatening nature or any events not following the laws of the governing nation. The man also must not be used as an insertion device in any form. Bodily insertion is strictly prohibited! It is also not a babysitter or child monitor.
Well dangit there is always a bunch of rules with these things. There goes the idea of having the man pick my lottery numbers for me! Guess I just need to get back to attempting to take care of my life myself. I could ask my wife for her opinion and then not listen to it like usual. Wonder what would happen if I did listen to her ideas sometimes? Nah, that’s too much of a risk.
I guess for now we will just have to wait until the man in the can becomes a reality and then see if it works. I would be willing to at least give it a try, how about you?