What if I said sorry?

Dear Jed, 

Thank you for getting in contact, you are quite correct, things have been a little weird in blogsphere of late. In fact things have been a little weird everywhere. You’ll never guess what I saw in my neighbours garden the other day….a spaceship, I kid you not, it was a real live, honest to goodness spaceship with flashing lights and everything. I was so mesmerized I walked into a lamp post. When my head stopped spinning and the little blue birds stopped singing, I looked up and it was gone, almost as if it had never been there in the first place. 

I was sorry to hear your bad news, and as much as I would like to be the one to cheer you up, I am afraid that you are going to have to accept this letter as a means of apology. Hang on a minute, why are you smiling, did you think I was going to resign?? Oh boy, this could prove awkward for our relatively new and tentative collaborations on your site. I was merely going to apologize for the fact that I will not be the one to make you smile. 

On leaving work I had good intentions, which were to rush home, do all the household chores and then work on the post that would make you laugh so hard that your wife would have to slap you senseless, fearing that you had finally, after all this time, lost the plot!

The things is, where I’m concerned, good intentions usually get sucked out and splattered against the window of the 17.45 train to Belfast. Today was to be no different. Whilst making my journey I was reading a post from that girl, you know the cool one with the specs, ach you must know who I mean, the one that’s not a punk rocker? Yeah, so in one of her posts she mentioned these things called Jalapeño peppers and I though, hmmm, those sound nice, because I would be partial to a wee red, green or yellow pepper occasionally. Deciding they would be a delightful addition to my dinner I stopped and purchased some in the shop on the way home. 

That’s why I am apologising. I’ll be unable to write a post for you because I can’t get access to either my laptop or my computer. Please don’t tell anyone, because I would be so embarrassed, but the peppers were a little too hot for me and I’ve been stuck on the toilet since 19.30 hours. Thank goodness it is a house rule to always keep a toilet roll in the fridge in case of emergencies, or I could have been on my way to casualty by now. Indie Loo

By the way, if you happen to see Buffalo Tom Peabody on your travels, could you tell him I said thank you very much for alerting me to the fact that there is Text to Speech on Android devices, it’s the only reason I have been able to make contact. I apologise if there are any mistakes, but you have to make allowances for the fact that I am hunched over yelling under the toilet door!

Sorry I have been inconvenienced and am therefore unable to help you, but I shall make it up to you I promise.

Yours faithfully

Indie Loo Eejit 

(Written for Jed – What if I challenged you to make me smile?)