What if you were an Elf on the Shelf?

Photo courtesy of Flicker

Photo courtesy of Flicker

Imagine you were that little shelf sitting fellow whose only job is to blackmail small children before the holidays. What do you see? What do you hear?

Now share it in a post and link it back for the What if 2014 holiday challenge.

See all the details including the link up box in the original post.

Not sure how to tell your story? Check out my take on the challenge here.

Happy Holidays!

Oh and I also had some random holiday questions you might be interested in answering to help get you in the holiday spirit. They are:

1. Where is the weirdest place you found yourself on Christmas morning?

2. What is the one present you wanted badly and have never gotten?

3. What is the one thing you wanted badly, got and wished you hadn’t?

4. Have you ever re-gifted? If so what and why?

5. If Santa is real would you really want to meet him in person?

6. How many Elves could fit inside the biggest Christmas present you ever received?

7. What is your favorite holiday movie, show and/or song?

8. What is your least favorite holiday movie, show, and/or song?

9. What would you name a reindeer if you could? Why?

10. Do you think Santa could benefit from a healthier snack on Christmas eve or are cookies and milk the only choice? What would you recommend for the jolly old fat man?

You can see the original questions post on JED’s Playhouse here.

 

What if a man with a plan was available in a can?

I just have to say after spending a little over forty years in this world I find daily life a bit tough sometimes. Between the pressures of being a good person, making a living, taking care of those around that need your help and making sure to get some me time things can get a bit confusing. Sometimes coming up with the tough decisions or making a plan for the future seems to be the most daunting task ever.

Included with can is a man with a plan

If only there was someone or something to help you out with the decisions you are having trouble with making yourself! An informed know it all with all the answers. A man with a plan. A store bought future planner available in a can.

Sure maybe it would take away some of the joy and pride of making these decisions yourself, but the loss of all the stress and maybe even some of the bad decisions would be worth it.

“I just got offered a new job for more money, but the job I have now is secure. I have no chance of advancement but I also don’t have to worry about the company going under or a layoff. I have a decent benefits package but with this new job there is no ceiling and advancement is almost guaranteed. But if the company doesn’t make it neither do I. What should I do? I know, I’ll go get a man with a plan in a can and he will know what to do!”

Sure it almost sounds like going to a psychic but it would be nothing even close. You see the man with a plan is a small computer with the algorithms built in to explore every possible outcome based on the information entered and then formulate the best case scenario. Something our muddled brains don’t have the ability to do. The emotions are left out of the decision so the proper decision is made.

The reason for the computer coming in the form of a man is to make it seem more personal, knowledgeable and caring. We probably would never let a computer make the decisions for us but a miniature friend would be a different story. Also man rhymes with can which worked great for the title. Besides, how many men actually would listen to a woman in a can? (Please, no throwing things at the author of the post ladies. It was an attempt at a joke)

“We need a new home with the baby coming, but can we afford to take on a new mortgage? I want to spend time watching my child grow up, but the costs to raise it might mean I am never home. Should we sacrifice by staying in a place that is not ideal or just man up and go for broke with the new place? What if the decision I make is wrong and we lose everything having to move in with my parents? I need to go buy a can of man with a plan right now. That will ease my mind.”

The cans wouldn’t be too expensive or it would ruin the whole concept. They would be recyclable and you could get some of your upfront costs back when you returned it to the store. A bit of repackaging and the can of man would be ready for another big life moment. No one would ever need to know that you didn’t make your own decision.

Buy the new washer we need or play the slots?

Buy the new washer we need or play the slots?

I admit the idea seems great to me. I’ve never been good at the big decisions and a plan for the future has been tough to come by unless winning the lottery counts. That’s always been my plan. Win the lottery and become rich! Biggest problem is I hardly ever play the lottery so I guess I don’t follow through with my plans all that great either.

“I need to figure out the best way to get rich. Should I play the lottery, bet on the horses, invest in the stock market or go on a bank robbing spree. I know! I’ll buy a man with a plan in a can and see what he says.”

Disclaimer: The man in the can is not to be used as a means of gaining monetary value and cannot make decisions involving illegal activities. Using the man in any way other than permitted will void any warranty or guarantees. This includes but is not limited to any and all decisions of a life threatening nature or any events not following the laws of the governing nation. The man also must not be used as an insertion device in any form. Bodily insertion is strictly prohibited! It is also not a babysitter or child monitor.

Well dangit there is always a bunch of rules with these things. There goes the idea of having the man pick my lottery numbers for me! Guess I just need to get back to attempting to take care of my life myself. I could ask my wife for her opinion and then not listen to it like usual. Wonder what would happen if I did listen to her ideas sometimes? Nah, that’s too much of a risk.

I guess for now we will just have to wait until the man in the can becomes a reality and then see if it works. I would be willing to at least give it a try, how about you?

What if you discovered the lifeless body of Santa Claus?

businessman-296833_150Moving to a new home, a new town and a new job is always a traumatic, stressful situation, but this time it was the beginning of the weirdest few days of my life. It all started when my boss offered me a promotion. I would get a company car, a large pay raise and be head of the new office. Problem was the office was on the other side of the country! The offer was too good to refuse so I took the plunge, uprooted my life and headed out into the unknown.

I had been given the opportunity to make a previous trip out and get everything ready for my arrival. During the visit I found a quint little three bedroom house in a quiet neighborhood that provided everything I needed to start this new chapter of my life. Now upon arriving I realized just how empty the home would be with just me living there, especially after having spent the last couple years living in a single bedroom apartment. Guess it’s about time to start the search for the right woman to share my new life with.

broom-294061_150First thing to do though is start unpacking, get all the essentials out and then get to cleaning this new home. I already have so many ideas I want to get started on to make this place my own. I think I might start with the fireplace and see if I can get a little heat in here. This quint little house is a bit cold.

Wow, I think I picked a bad place to start. This fireplace is nasty and has a pretty strong foul odor inside. It looks like something might even be stuck in the chimney, blocking it up. I know it’s probably a bad idea, but I’m going to get the broom and see if I can’t knock whatever is up there loose. A couple whacks and I can see something is definitely up there but it’s moving so I keep poking at it.

Suddenly a large mass comes exploding out the hole along with a cloud of soot and ash filling the room and causing the worst coughing fit I have ever had. After a couple minutes of coughing, hacking and wiping the soot away I approach the mess to begin the process of removing it. When I start picking at the pile I realize there is something really wrong about what is in front of me.

appearance-216187_150The more I plunder the more I become sickened. Among the ash and soot looks to be a pile of human bones, a skull and a large amount of red fibers. It even looks like an intact red bag is among the debris. I know I should immediately call the police, but my curiosity has the better of me and I have to keep looking. The bag has my interest as it looks like it may contain something inside.

I pick it up, knock as much soot off as I can and notice a white fuzzy band around the edge. The material almost seems to be glowing despite the layers of grime. The glowing becomes even more apparent as I open the bag. Looking inside I see what seems to be an endless amount of random items, The bag is about the same size as a large trash bag yet the inside is endless. I can’t see sides or a bottom.

Wait, could this be? Is it possible?…………..


baby-37074_150What do you think about my random what if for today. Do you think maybe I really discovered the body of the famous Santa Claus? How long has he been trapped in that old chimney and why couldn’t he escape? And of course the biggest question of all…

Do I notify the world I have proof that Santa is real, then destroy his iconic image by bringing out his pile of bones?

Maybe I’ll keep it to myself, that way no one but me will know about the magic sack of goodies!

****What would you do if it happened to you?****

 

 

What if we could choose our own wealth?

Okay, go ahead and admit it. As soon as you saw the title you thought “Well if I get to choose I want to be the richest person in the world”. So the problem with that is if everybody wants to be the richest then nobody will be rich. Money will be worthless and the world will fall into chaos.

wealth-69524_150So Woo-Hoo, a world of wealthy rich people who think they can have everything and anything they want but yet they are just as common as the next person. People will be burning through their money. Of course most will likely be setting fires with it to try to stay warm.

So what would be an alternative? Should you choose to be moderately rich, just above poverty or maybe just decline the choice altogether? I mean if something is just going to be given to you is it really worth having? Could the human race survive such a choice?

money-256290_150Maybe everybody should just choose a year’s salary, but who’s salary would we use as a basis? Then you have to start thinking about paying all those dang taxes and how much of your free money the government is just going to take right away from you and it starts to make you angry. It’s bad enough they want a share of my hard earned money but now they want in on the free money as well.

Maybe we should choose to be given enough to buy a brand new car. I bet all the car companies would love that. What kind of car should we choose? I am already building my monster Hummer with spinning rims and a killer sound system. Now my problem is how the hell do I pay for all the gas? You know I am going to go out cruising and show off my baby.

water-165219_150Then again an awesome vacation would be nice. Enough cash to pay for the airfare, the room at a nice resort and some spending money while I was there would be wonderful. Not having to worry about spending all the bill money would make the trip much more enjoyable. I think I will choose this one!

From now on every vacation will be fully paid for without worry of spending money. I can’t even begin to imagine the stress release this would be. Of course when others find out about it I bet they will be begging me to take them with me or to use my vacation credits and that sounds like a lot of hassle.

smile-157160_150You know what. Just forget all these and give me enough to buy the wife a dozen roses. That is what I choose as my wealth. Enough to bring a smile to my wife’s face is plenty for me. Anything else I need I will just go out and earn myself.

Wonder if this would be enough for everyone else? What would you want? Feel free to have your fun in the comments section and let me know.

What if I lost my mind?

Okay I’ve got a real problem. I realized when I got home from work today I had lost my mind. I know I had to leave it somewhere but I’ve looked everywhere I could think of and nothing. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me but it’s the first time I haven’t been able to find it right away.

I checked in the car and no luck. I emptied my pockets and found a little change, some lint and a bottle cap but not my mind. I’m not sure why I was carrying the bottle cap either which I blame on being mindless.

mindI thought about asking for some help but I don’t know who to ask. If I ask my mom she will just say “I told you if your head wasn’t screwed on you would lose it”. If I ask one of my brothers they will tell me “look for a stack of rocks” and then laugh. If I ask my sister she will say “are you sure you ever had one?” and laugh. So basically the family won’t be any help.

I would call the workplace and see if I left it there but most of the people I work with lost their own minds long ago and I don’t think they would even try to help me. I finally decided to ask my friend for help and he said “I told you that picture I sent you via text would blow your mind”. Then I wondered if he might be right. I didn’t remember the picture and if I actually viewed it did it blow my mind?

Well now my brother is calling. Better see what he wants. When I answer the phone all he says is “So, you’re a true airhead now huh?” and then hangs up laughing. Wait a minute. How did he even find out? I bet he has something to do with this. Just because his mind doesn’t work as good as it used doesn’t mean he can take mine!

I’m going over to confront him about this, I just need to remember where he lives, what his name is and what I need to talk to him about. What was I saying? I swear, sometimes I think I’ve completely lost my mind!

What if everyone got everything they wanted for two days?

I recently asked for your help in picking a few topics to write about this week here at Okay, what if?. This is the first topic idea I received and comes to us from jazzybellewashington of Confessions of a JazzyBelle


What if you could get everything you desired for not one, but two whole days? Can you imagine how unhappy and miserable this would make us. Yes, you read that right-unhappy and miserable!

bag-147782_640To start with if everyone got what they wanted would anyone really get their wish? On the surface, it sounds like a wonderful thing, but getting all your desires fulfilled might just make you want even more. Could you ever fully get everything you wanted.

Most people are going to automatically want to be rich just asking for it outright or asking to win the lottery. Well if the lottery is forty million and forty million people win that’s means everyone gets a dollar. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to think you won that much money and then be handed a dollar? Still there would be a large number of people who do get there way and become rich. Now that everyone is rich though imagine the inflation. Go to the store and buy a drink and a pack of crackers and the clerk say “That’ll be two-fifty.” So you reach in your pocket and pull out two dollars and fifty cent to which the clerk laughs, “No, two hundred fifty!” A happy meal now will set you back about a thousand. That just doesn’t seem practical to me.

girl-163686_150As a guy I can think of a few things that would come to mind if I got everything I wanted. There is the love potion idea, maybe you wish for the new girl at the office, Amy to fall in love with you. She is so pretty and you have liked her from the first moment she entered the office, but she hasn’t even noticed you. Well now you can have your way and she falls madly in love/lust with you. Minor problem though, you didn’t realize Amy was married and her Ex-Marine husband doesn’t take too kindly to her falling in love with another guy. This would probably end very badly.

Some guys may also wish to be well endowed. I mean come on, what guy wouldn’t think about or want this, but is every guy going to be able to deal with it? It you are not used to your endowment being a little more to handle than normal couldn’t that make even medial daily tasks a little harder (Ha, ha I said harder). Just walking around could be uncomfortable if you are not used to the feeling inside your pants. Okay, let me get off (he, he) this subject.

car-160895_150How many people would ask for things they really shouldn’t have? Sports cars and personal jetpacks for everyone! Somehow that just doesn’t sound safe. And speaking of the jet pack, if we can have anything we want, does that mean only plausible things or can we have the impossible as well. Can I wish to be able to fly without a plane? Remember the jealous husband mentioned above? What if he wanted you to explode into a million pieces of confetti. That can’t be good for your health.

So just imagine a world where everyone is rich beyond imagination, can have any superpower or ability they want and be with any other person they want. Everybody can have these things for a full two days, but then they are going to be ripped away from them!

Anything and everything you could want for not one, but two days and then you have to back to working for it all. What kind of a thing is that to do to someone? What do you think? Is the idea of getting everything you want enticing to you or just it just scare th crap out of you? Thanks to JazzyBelle for this interesting topic.