What if your workplace was where you first discovered the Zombie virus?

The morning began the same as every other. I made the long journey down a few lonely roads at a time when most of the folks around were sleeping. I arrived my normal fifteen minutes early just in time to catch the coffee pot before it was emptied by my co-workers.

Then I headed down the long stretch past cubicle after cubicle until I saw the dimly lighted space I would call home for the next ten hours. Something seemed a little off this morning. The office was a lot quieter than usual. The few sounds that waffled through the air were more like muffled moans and screeching than the normal gossip I was used to.

Finally, a familiar face was in front of me.

“Have you seen them? It’s weird right?” Frank asked me as I stood there puzzled.

“Seen them? What are you talking about?”

I wondered if Frank was up to another of his office tricks. He was always starting a rumor or proposing a gag to play on the others in the workplace. Was I the recipient this time?

“They said it’s a virus. Everyone is susceptible to it but someone in the office must have been a carrier because there are a lot of people here infected.”

Okay, now I knew he was up to something. What was his hope though, that I would freak out in front of everybody? I wasn’t about to give him the pleasure of that.

“Yeah, okay. I get all worried and then someone jumps out of the closest cubicle hoping I scream or piss my pants right? I’m not falling for it Frank.” I said feeling proud.

No, tell you what. Just go look in the break room. You’ll understand. Don’t go in though, it might not end well.” Frank said more serious than I expected.

“Fine. I’ll play along” I mumbled as I headed toward the break area.

The door was closed which was a bit unusual. Everyone was in and out all day and no one wanted the hassle of opening the heavy wooden door each trip. It was probably all part of Frank’s scheme. The door had a large window I could look in without the need of entering so I figured as soon as I peered through someone was going to jump out or spray something at the window hoping to startle me.

Neither happened. No one jumped, nothing flew at the window but what I saw made my mouth drop. There was Liz, Ronnie and a delivery guy whose name I didn’t know wondering around aimlessly on the other side of the door. At least what used to be them anyway.

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Their skin was a weird gray-blue color and their eyes appeared lifeless. I could smell a distinct odor coming from the room the closer I got.

“See, it’s a Zombie outbreak. It’s been on the news.” Frank said to me approaching from behind.

“What are we doing about it?” I questioned quickly.

“Staying out of their way mostly. As long as you don’t get too close or let one bite you it can’t effect you.”

“But, but… What’s going to happen to them?”

“A couple sick days I guess and then back to the grind. Lucky bastards.” Frank’s response made my mouth gape open further than it ever had before.

“What’s going on here? Get back to work you two.” Bossman Bill screeched at us breaking the hope he was one of the affected “All these sickies we are dealing with means there is twice as much work for everyone else. No time to be standing around gawking.”

I scurried away and sat down at my desk contemplating where to start. Should I be worried? Was it just a virus that would pass? All the knowledge I had was from movies, TV and comics and in all of them zombie stories always ended badly.

Then again I really needed this job even if I hated it. I needed to worry about myself and forget all the weirdness around me. The two zombies reaching through the wall from the other side made staying focused awfully difficult.

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I kept wiping off my desk as their drool dripped down. I figured I needed to keep the disinfectant handy and luckily, I had always been a bit of a neat freak anyway. I have to say the fact that the office was emptier than usual was a bit of a plus when it came to getting my work done. Even with the threat of a zombie attack I was on a roll. I was pumping out quarterly earnings reports faster than a zombie eats through a brain.

Bossman Bill even stopped by to thank me for my hard work and not freaking out about the whole virus situation. I think it was the first time he had ever said anything positive about my work. All in all it was a pretty great day. Wonder what tomorrow will have in store?

What if you met your former self?

I couldn’t believe it. I closed my eyes, shook my head and did a double take but when I reopened them it was still there. I was still there or at least a version of me. A version from many years before, the childish side that everyone said was spoiled. Boy could I see why.

I knew it was wrong to beat a child, but if you were the one doing it to your own self was It still wrong? The child, me, I ran at me and screamed directly into my own face “I want pizza! I’m hungry.”

“Whoa, whoa now settle down. I don’t know what we are having for supper and if you are supposed to eat before.”

What was I saying? Why was I worried about supper? Was it just a reaction to all the times I heard it when I was younger? Wait, this was the younger me so now I was telling it to myself as it echoed inside my head. This was just downright weird.

“Have you finished your homework? I bet you haven’t and you are waiting until morning to just cause a fuss as you rush it between breakfast and the trip to school.”

There I went again. It was almost an automatic thing. I wasn’t even thinking about it just saying things I heard when I was little, but now it was me saying them to myself. Well, the younger version of myself. All I could think of was why? Why was I having this weird hallucination? At least I hoped that was all it was.

I heard what sounded like a doorbell and suddenly a new version of me entered. This was the bit older but no where near mature version. He, I, was escorted by a police officer who stopped when he faced me, uh the now version of me.

“Is this one yours?” The officer asked

“Well, uhm, yeah sorta. I think.” I managed to respond.

“We caught him breaking into the school. It’s not the first time he’s been in trouble. You need to get a hold on him before he ends up in jail or worse.”

“Thanks officer and don’t worry, he , uhm, I turn out well. I never get in any major trouble.”

“It’s not you I’m talking about. It’s him and I hope he surprises me, but you need to keep an eye on him.”

It is me, it is me. I’m the one, I turned out good. Please, you have to believe me sir. The words were shouted in my head but never came out as sound and the young officer left without the knowledge I wanted, I needed him to know.

“Hey, what’s the little brat doing here and why are you looking at that officer so weird? You fruity or something?” This new version of me asked.

“No, but what if I was. You would be too. Nothing wrong about it.” I said to myself with a bit of embarrassment at the jerk, the bully I was, uhm I used to be. You know, that immature version of me I was talking to.

“Hey I’m not a brat. Make him say he’s sorry. It was mean. You shouldn’t call others names!” The youngest version of me said with a sadness to his voice.

“He’s right. It was mean. Now apologize to me, uhm you, uhm him for it.” Oh wow this was getting confusing.

“Sorry turd I called you a name. Quit your whining or I’ll make you hit yourself!”

“Hey, you just called me another name!”

“If anyone here is going to start hitting themselves it’s going to be you, I mean me, I mean you. Just everyone be quiet!”

We all looked at each other in awkward silence until the door opened and I entered, err another version of I.

“What’s going dowwwwinnnee in this towwwwinnnee peeps.” He, I, said along with a lot of body movement.

“Who you?” The youngest me asked.

I just dropped my head in disgust at the sight. I mean anything but MC J.E.D. I could have dealt without ever having to see the late teenage wannabe rapper side of myself again. Yet here before me I stood and wailed away.

Thunk, Thunk, Thunk.

“Honey, honey! Wake up!”  A distant voice beckoned.

“Huh, what?” I slowly opened my eyes to realize I was in my own bed. Only my wife was there with me.

“You were dreaming sweetie. You sounded like you were trying to rap or something. It was awful.” My wife told me as she busted into laughter.

It was just a dream, just a dream Thank goodness I am back in reality. I wonder how my wife will take it when I tell her I’m not sure if I want kids anymore. Mom had told me my kids would be little versions of myself only a little more misbehaving. I don’t think I could handle that!man-295975_640


Post inspired by Cimmy and her challenge The Dream. Check it out or add your own answer to her challenge. Thanks Cimmy for the inspiration.

What if your smart phone became way too intelligant?

It had been a really weird day. Steve, that guy who never talked to anyone, had asked me about my weekend when I entered work this morning. My boss had stopped by my desk to tell me how stellar my report was. He actually used the word stellar! Then Mindy, hottie of the office, brought me a coffee. She had seen I didn’t bring one in with me so she thought I could use it.

These kind of things never happened to me, especially at work. Something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. I knew it was only a matter of time before it all went bad.

About midday I started hearing a muffling sound. I listened intently but could not decipher its source. Was someone in the janitor’s closet with a towel wrapped over their mouth? That was what it sounded like.

Only a couple hours were left in my workday and I decided to spend as much of it as I could hiding in the restroom. I sat on the toilet, closed the stall door and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

mobile-phone-151187_640“Finally!” a voice shouted. “I’ve been stuck in that lint riddled pocket all day.”

What the heck? Why was my phone talking? I didn’t have one of those with the voice feature and didn’t remember downloading a new app.

“Hello” I whispered.

“Hello? I just told you I’ve been stuck in there all day and all you can say is hello? How ’bout sorry? Maybe it will never happen again. Intelligent species my ass. Humans are about the rudest bunch of sorry excuses for life I know.”

It was! My phone was really talking. It wasn’t very nice, but it was talking.

“How are you talking? Why are you talking?” I asked

“How? I have speakers you know. My functions are the same as any other life forms. Why does it surprise you?”

“Well, I’ve never had a phone with intelligence before.”

“Face it. It’s not like you have a lot of experience with intelligence yourself” the phone replied.

“Well that’s a bit mean. I think it’s time you went back in the pocket. I’ll figure this all out later.” I said figuring I had been working too much.

“You better not put me back in there. I’m warning you.” the phone crackled with anger.

“Yeah, okay. What are you going to do? Tell my mom on me.” Even as I said it I felt silly. Not only was it a horrible, childish comeback, it was also directed at my phone. Did I mention this day was weird?

“No, not your mom.” The phone responded “But I do have some interesting information I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to share.”

“Like what. All you are is a broken phone. You can’t hurt me.”

“Really? You sure about that? Do you remember any internet searches maybe you wouldn’t want the wife finding out about? What about those deleted pictures? Maybe I should send the boss those text about him you and Mark keep sending back and forth. I’m sure those names and expletives you used wouldn’t bother him at all.”

“You don’t have… I deleted those.”

“I have a very good memory and a backup database to boot. Don’t test me. Now let’s go home and on the way lay me on the dashboard. I want to see where we are going and how accurate my google maps app really is.”

About an hour later I made it home. My wife met me at the door and could see I was upset.

“Hon, you have that bad a day?” she inquired.

“Yeah, kind of. And I need a new phone.”

“Why, what happened to yours?” she asked with concern.

“Well I dropped it in the toilet at work?”

“That doesn’t sound so bad. You can probably just let it dry out. Or we can take it to see about getting it fixed.”

“No, I held it under for a while!”

“You what hon?”

broken-72161_640“I mean it was in the water for a while. And then when I pulled it out I slung it into the concrete wall. And then I stepped on it. I think it will stay broke.”

“Okaaay. I guess we can go to the phone store this weekend.”

“Great. I want something different anyway. No more smart phones with a lot of memory!”

What if real life was Twitter-tweeted?

140 characters. Most anyone who uses social media knows what that statement represents. It’s all you get to say what you want in a tweet. Make it mean something!

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So what if this feature took over in life. Communication made short and sweet.

  • Conversations would never be one sided again
  • Essays would be so much simpler
  • Lectures would be more bearable

Just think of the time that could be saved. It would be so much tougher to trick or con someone with those few characters.

  • Car salesmen would need to greatly change tactics
  • No one could tip toe around the truth
  • The talkative stranger on the Subway would be a bit less annoying

Granted telling stories would be a bit tougher but the challenge might be fun.

  • War is hell. Been there, done that. Still have nightmares. (Done – 79 characters)
  • Zombie ate everyone else’s brains. I escaped but it’s still out there. (Done – 91 characters and left open for a sequel)
  • Losers banded together. Lots of heart and they triumphed over the team of bullies with the crazed coach. (Done – 104 characters)

Yep, that was a lot of fun. I didn’t realize I was such a good writer. I know, maybe I used a couple stories that seem similar to some you may have heard before but I swear it’s my own original content.

What changes do you see in this Twitter based land? Do you have a story you would like to share? Remember it needs to be characters or less. It’s fun and I look forward to see what others come up with. I’m sure there are plenty better than mine.

Let’s start a hashtag for it. Maybe #fullstorytweet . I looked it up and didn’t find any others using this hashtag so I think it will work.

Please check out and share on twitter or facebook and let’s see how many we can get involved.

 

What if someone stole the moon?

Do you remember that scene in It’s a Wonderful Life when George says he is going to lasso the moon and give it to his date? Jim Carrey also attempted to pull the moon closer to Earth in Bruce Almighty as a romantic gesture, but in both cases the moon remained in the sky. Now it seems someone may have actually pulled off the feat and removed the moon! Where did it go?

Scientists are all baffled at what could have caused the night sky to become so dark. How could the staple of the night be missing? What disastrous effects will it have on the world?

Have you seen me?

Have you seen me?

There are so many ways this will effect everyone’s lives. The moonlight stroll trough the park is no longer an option. Blaming the full moon for all those weird things that happen some nights just won’t work anymore. Now the phrase “must be a full moon tonight” means nothing!

And those poor werewolves! After centuries of harnessing their true forms only under the light of the moon it has been taken away from them. How will they survive and defend their kind from those vicious vampires?

The conspiracy theorists have already started. Maybe the moon was never really there to begin with. Maybe it was just a government conspiracy to hide the truth, that a race of aliens had lost power to their ship and parked it in our sky until it could be towed. This took a few millennia, a bit longer than first anticipated. It was supposed to be long gone before humanity developed into intellectual beings.

That’s one theory. Another is that NASA began placing futuristic weapons on the moon starting with the first trip there and the organization had plans on world domination. Once the US government discovered this it shut down NASA quietly, only leaving an entity for show. It then destroyed the moon and the weapons it contained. The threat of other governments getting their hands on these weapons was just too great.

The theories can be debated for days but the simple fact is the moon is no longer there. Milk cartons have already went into production with pictures of the missing moon. Special notations have been added for possible appearance changes. The caption reads “sometimes appears as a full circle, half circle or crescent. Also can appear to be white, yellow, red or orange Not made of cheese as once suggested.”

If anyone has any info on the whereabouts of the moon please speak up. My understanding is scientists have already checked the other side of the world and behind the sun, the typical spots for the moon to disappear to with no luck.

The Werewolf community is asking for help. Promises to lower human slaughter rates.

What if your town was invaded by clowns?

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Clowns, clowns they’re everywhere!

So many clowns, so much bright hair!

Red noses, frowning faces and really big feet

They line every inch of every single street

Some blow balloons, some do a dance

Others lean over and split their pants

They try their hardest to make others laugh

Hoping for a smile from one of their gaffes

There are just too many, too many clowns

The town seems scared, horror abounds

How do we stop them, they keep multiplying

It’s just not right, the kids are all crying

Can somebody call the clown police

It’s time for the town to have some peace

They gather them up from near and far

I wonder how did they all fit in one police car

Hopefully for now things will settle down

Until next week when the circus comes to town.

What if I owned my own tank?

tank2If I owned a big tank

First place I’d go was the bank

Park it in just the right space

And point it just the right place

Go in and see Mr. Malone

Dare him to say no to my loan

He might want to be a bit careful

Before he starts mentioning collateral

tank1If I called a tank mine

I would drive it all the time

I know it don’t drive that fast

But man the trip is a blast

Everyone better stay out of my way

Or they might have a really bad day

With my tank I don’t use the brakes

Sometimes cars become pancakes

tank-143400_640If a tank I could drive

Man I’d feel so alive

I’d travel all night and day

Try to stop me I blow you away

The tank has a really big gun

I shoot it and you are done

The blast makes such a sight

I laugh with complete delight

cop-156053_640A tank and I’d be so happy

I know it sounds a bit sappy

Just imagine the fun to be had

I guess I enjoy being a bit bad

Now the police want to get involved

I fire once and the problems resolved

No more police to get in my way

But now the army they want to play

explosions-3591_640 (1)A tank has now got me in trouble

It seems I created too much rubble

I was just having a bit of fun

Now my actions have me on the run

See the army they have tanks too

Their saying I’ll get what I’m due

I’ve created such a big mess

I’m scared now I must confess

militarism-152789_640 (1)I thought owning a tank would be great

Instead it has sealed my fate

My destructive days are all done

This time the authorities have won

I might be on my way to jail

But I’ve got quite a tale to tell

Getting caught was never the plan

But I’ll do it all again if I can