What if your smart phone became way too intelligant?

It had been a really weird day. Steve, that guy who never talked to anyone, had asked me about my weekend when I entered work this morning. My boss had stopped by my desk to tell me how stellar my report was. He actually used the word stellar! Then Mindy, hottie of the office, brought me a coffee. She had seen I didn’t bring one in with me so she thought I could use it.

These kind of things never happened to me, especially at work. Something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. I knew it was only a matter of time before it all went bad.

About midday I started hearing a muffling sound. I listened intently but could not decipher its source. Was someone in the janitor’s closet with a towel wrapped over their mouth? That was what it sounded like.

Only a couple hours were left in my workday and I decided to spend as much of it as I could hiding in the restroom. I sat on the toilet, closed the stall door and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

mobile-phone-151187_640“Finally!” a voice shouted. “I’ve been stuck in that lint riddled pocket all day.”

What the heck? Why was my phone talking? I didn’t have one of those with the voice feature and didn’t remember downloading a new app.

“Hello” I whispered.

“Hello? I just told you I’ve been stuck in there all day and all you can say is hello? How ’bout sorry? Maybe it will never happen again. Intelligent species my ass. Humans are about the rudest bunch of sorry excuses for life I know.”

It was! My phone was really talking. It wasn’t very nice, but it was talking.

“How are you talking? Why are you talking?” I asked

“How? I have speakers you know. My functions are the same as any other life forms. Why does it surprise you?”

“Well, I’ve never had a phone with intelligence before.”

“Face it. It’s not like you have a lot of experience with intelligence yourself” the phone replied.

“Well that’s a bit mean. I think it’s time you went back in the pocket. I’ll figure this all out later.” I said figuring I had been working too much.

“You better not put me back in there. I’m warning you.” the phone crackled with anger.

“Yeah, okay. What are you going to do? Tell my mom on me.” Even as I said it I felt silly. Not only was it a horrible, childish comeback, it was also directed at my phone. Did I mention this day was weird?

“No, not your mom.” The phone responded “But I do have some interesting information I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to share.”

“Like what. All you are is a broken phone. You can’t hurt me.”

“Really? You sure about that? Do you remember any internet searches maybe you wouldn’t want the wife finding out about? What about those deleted pictures? Maybe I should send the boss those text about him you and Mark keep sending back and forth. I’m sure those names and expletives you used wouldn’t bother him at all.”

“You don’t have… I deleted those.”

“I have a very good memory and a backup database to boot. Don’t test me. Now let’s go home and on the way lay me on the dashboard. I want to see where we are going and how accurate my google maps app really is.”

About an hour later I made it home. My wife met me at the door and could see I was upset.

“Hon, you have that bad a day?” she inquired.

“Yeah, kind of. And I need a new phone.”

“Why, what happened to yours?” she asked with concern.

“Well I dropped it in the toilet at work?”

“That doesn’t sound so bad. You can probably just let it dry out. Or we can take it to see about getting it fixed.”

“No, I held it under for a while!”

“You what hon?”

broken-72161_640“I mean it was in the water for a while. And then when I pulled it out I slung it into the concrete wall. And then I stepped on it. I think it will stay broke.”

“Okaaay. I guess we can go to the phone store this weekend.”

“Great. I want something different anyway. No more smart phones with a lot of memory!”

What if I’m just not ready for this aging thing?

Okay, I am just a few months shy of my fortieth birthday and something has come to my attention. Aging really sucks! I know some of you out there are probably saying “forty, that’s not old” or “you don’t know anything about aging just yet”. To that I say maybe not, but I’m learning quickly.


Pictures courtesy of pixabay.com

In reference to aging I’m not talking about the aches and pains (which I have) or certain parts that sag more than they used to (have that too). No what has really bothered me lately is the lack of technical knowledge. It’s only been a couple years since everyone in the family used to come to me to ask about the latest computer or new technology. What phone should I get or which computer would be better were regular questions and I always had a great suggestion I was comfortable giving.

So the other day someone asked me about a Smart TV and I tried to answer to the best of my ability. My problem was I really didn’t have the answer. I didn’t know and was lost just at the thought. When did this happen? When did technology bypass me?

mp3-player-157946_640The more I thought about it the more it upset me. I realized I don’t own a smart phone or an I-pad and don’t know a lot about them. I understand what an app is but that’s about all. If you start a TV conversation talking about pixels, refresh rate or browsers your probably going to lose me fairly quickly. What’s the differences between android systems? Yeah, right. Like I could tell you that.

I keep thinking, why does my eight year old nephew know more about my new laptop than I do? How long before I’m one of those older folks making comments like “I don’t understand all this new technology” or “I don’t even know how to turn on one of those.” Not very long it seems. So I started to wonder what are my options? Should I just not worry about it or do I need to catch up with the times?

Right now there are new gaming systems being released that I know nothing about. I heard a discussion about the differences and what made the X-box one better than the PS4 or vice versa and I was lost. I didn’t completely understand half the conversation. I just don’t know how much more of this I can take!

tablet-199224_150Has anyone seen that commercial where the guy uses his phone to turn off everything in his house including the water faucet even though he isn’t home? That guy looks to be older than forty and he seems to have the hang of new technology so why not me? I consider myself to be a fairly smart guy who can pick up almost anything if I really put my mind to it. So any suggestions for me? Can I catch up or is technology just changing too fast for this aging brain?

It might just be too late. I’m afraid the next time I purchase a new TV I’m going to need to get some Geek Squad support.

What if I could have a computer installed in my brain?

brainOkay. what if I could have a small chip with all the power of the most advanced computer installed in my brain? What if everybody could have this chip installed? No more googling for the information we needed, no more MapQuest searches. Everything we needed would already be in our heads. Every known language, every landmark and every recipe would be just a thought away.

Is this a good idea? Do I really want to know all this information? Isn’t a great part of life discovering new things? Not to mention having to deal with some of the know-it-alls I see everyday. What if they really did know it all? Just how much more aggravation could they create with this unlimited knowledge? It can be enough of an annoyance when someone thinks they know more than you or have better information, but who would have the ability to comprehend every tidbit of info and how would you converse with each other if everyone had the same knowledge?

Another question to think about is by having all this information at the ready, would we use it? Would we know how? Just because I might know how to do surgery doesn’t mean I should try it. If I believed I had the ability and knowledge to complete certain tasks, would I be smart enough to know I shouldn’t? Just how much chaos could this create? Continue reading